Love conquers all. Or so they say, because based from what I heard, love sometimes has a hard time crossing cultural bounds. And for us OFWs, falling in love with someone from a different background is a high possibility.
Disclaimer: This is a heartbreaking post.
This story could be summarized in the wise words below from Camp Sawi who got dumped because she wasn’t Chinese.
“Sampung taon kami nag-celebrate ng Chinese New Year. Hindi ba niya nakita ang mata ko?”
– Bela Padilla
I have a friend who was with her significant other for five years. Out of the blue her partner told her he is letting her go because apparently they could not be together coming from different races. He came from a culture of fixed marriages, with a belief which says no to anything pre-marital and a country in constant turmoil for a long time. My friend knows what she was getting into. She knows they would not end up together because of their situation. But perhaps there was something in his demeanor that made her believe otherwise. After all why be in a relationship for five years if you know it will end in heartbreak?
So even in the middle of a work week, we joined her to drown her sorrow in glasses after glasses of mojitos and (ehem) sex on the beach while the stand-up comedian set up the mood by singing “Malaya” by Moira Dela Torre. Very apt.
She poured her heart out to us and there is nothing we could do but sympathize. We’ve all had our share of heartaches but what she is going through feels so wrong. It made us question if he really did love her during the course of the relationship. He even ended it in an impersonal way without offering any further explanations.
(Guys don’t do this. Come on. Grow a pair and tell it to our faces. We warrant a proper explanation. Be an adult and if you really need to end it, be a gentleman about it. Women are emotional creatures and there might be drama about the break-up but we are resilient. We’ll get over it. It’s not like you’re Chris Evans or something.)
While listening to her I got an idea for the next OFWtalks post. I know a lot of OFWs preferred to be with someone who isn’t our kabayan. I also know some is the result of being burned out by unsuccessful long distance relationships when one or both party cheated because of loneliness. And even if it is forbidden, even if it is only temporary, even if it is certain it isn’t a happily ever after, “kapag tinamaan ka, tinamaan ka”. Love will certainly hurt you; you just need to find someone worth all the hurt and pain.
How to Survive Heartbreak from a Failed Intercultural Relationship
Cry
It is self-destructing if you will bottle everything inside of you. So go ahead and cry. Embrace the pain. This is cathartic. You will also feel a lot better after. And since it is a lot harder for us OFWs since we are far from our families and loved ones when we are in dire need of a shoulder to cry on, watch a couple of rom-coms, grab a pint (or more) of your favorite ice cream (chocolate is the best) and lock the doors.
Best if you have a comfortable blanket, a box of tissues and a furry friend with you.
Engage in a hobby
After the cryfest (which hopefully is the last), you will need to fill your schedule to avoid emo moments. Don’t let yourself have a lot of free time on your hands. Otherwise you would find yourself reminiscing old times or daydreaming he would come knocking on your door, bouquet of roses in hand, begging you to come back to him, all wet because he ran through the rain. THIS ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES. And also we are in the Middle East where rain in seldom. He is more likely to be covered in sand from sandstorms, if you find that romantic.
Go to the gym, learn a new language, take up crocheting and crochet yourself a new boyfriend.
Reconnect with lost friends
Studies show when we fall in love we lose two close friends. And according to the eccentric but wise Phoebe Buffay “boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go, but this is for life” pertaining to her friendship with Joey Tribbiani. So now that you are single again, build destroyed bridges. You will definitely need all the support system you can get.
Book an appointment at the spa or favorite salon. Most probably you need to suck up to your “dumped” friend if you need to reconnect. Chances are they are sulky and might take a little cajoling to let you in their lives again.
Don’t jump into a new love
This doesn’t mean to pine after him and wait for him to come to his senses and defy his parents and or culture. Just try and enjoy being single. Be selfish and dedicate all your time, love and attention to yourself. Also, apply the 3 month rule so come “sumbatan” time, you are free from all guilt.
“Bash! Hindi mo ba alam yung three month rule? Lahat ng taong na inlove at nakipagbreak alam yun, Bash maghihintay ka muna ng tatlong buwan, diba tatlong buwan bago ka makipag boyfriend uli. Hindi mo alam yun? Bash may dalawang linggo pa ako eh, dalawang linggo pa! Bat katingkati kang palitan ako?”
– Popoy, One More Chance
And cliché as it may sound, piece together your broken heart so when the “one” comes, you are ready and whole.
Put your wall up
I don’t mean be a recluse and buy thousand cats. Just be wary and cautious. Guard your heart and just open it for someone who is willing to jump hoops and overcome obstacles for you. If he did, it seems likely he will not be deterred fighting for you and not letting the issue of difference in culture hinder your love.
What? Why are you still here reading this? Are you still waiting for numbers 6-10? This is the end of this post. Like some relationships, this post has no closure. Move on na.
An Overseas Filipino Worker since 2008, Yvette is back in the Middle East after a brief stint in a first world country in South East Asia. She is a binge watcher and is part of numerous fandoms. She writes to keep her sanity (read her rantings on Wattpad @yvette_dc) and is happiest when she's in a bookstore. If given the resources, she would see the world.