After long grueling hours of skype and face to face interviews, written and grammar tests and medical examinations, you are finally leaving on a jet plane to graze the greener albeit sandy pasture of the Middle East. You are all set to become an OFW, a bagong bayani of this century.
You’ve got plans. You’ve got dreams and now they are within your reach you could almost feel your mouth water from the authentic taste of shawarma.
But if you are leaving half of your heart in Havana, I mean the Philippines, are you sure this half heart or your other half for that matter will go FONDER or WANDER?
Do you know how HARD it is to have a long-distance relationship? Don’t believe the Hollywood hype of people being in LDRs that when the distance became unbearable one will just jump in a plane to surprise the other. It’s possible but isn’t practical. Movies also showed us these far-flung lovers spend all their free time chatting and skyping. Again, possible but exhausting especially if the time difference is obvious. Romantic comedies also depict long distance couples trusting one another that in spite the distance promised to be faithful to one another. Of course, this too could happen but, out of 10 couples in long distance relationships, probably only three will last.
So, not to be a “Buzzkill Betty” or not to be someone who will discourage you from being an OFW since you are hesitant to leave your significant other behind, I will then tell you THE TRUTH ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. No sugarcoating it, no BS-ing it and hopefully will help you endure it. After all, I and my partner is one of those three.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PARANOIA
When your calls left unanswered, no replies to your SMS and your partner hasn’t been online since morning, your mind will go on overdrive and think the worst. And I am not saying you will think your significant other’s been in an accident or someone snatched their mobile phones. No. What your brain will tell you is that they are cheating on you.
Yup. Even if you are in a very loving, very committed relationship you will jump to this conclusion. You will think they were unable to cope with the distance and that they were miserable and someone took advantage of the situation. After all, misery loves company. You will begin to doubt every friend, every former classmate and every colleague, thinking they are who your partner is cheating you with.
You will also begin to question if leaving and being an OFW is all worth it even if you know you are doing it for a more secure future with your other half.
However, once they responded and gave you an explanation like they lost their chargers or their mother sent them to do an errand and they forgot their phones or they were not feeling well and were asleep for the past 24 hours, everything will be all right in the world again.
That is until the next time your calls were left unanswered again. And the vicious cycle of distrust starts once more.
GREEN LOOKS GOOD ON YOU
Ah yes, the color of jealousy.
Don’t reason out to me that you are not a jealous person. Hello??? The distance, the absence of face to face conversation and lack of physical contact is already making you paranoid. I assure you the feeling of jealousy is right around the corner. The seed of doubt is already planted in your lonely, alone heart.
It’s unavoidable and believe me when I say it’s reasonable. We always associate the feeling of jealousy to being betrayed with a third party. But in the beginning of your journey as an OFW and you don’t have a social calendar yet while your partner is out during the weekend catching up with family and friends or engaging in other activities and hobby, you’d still feel jealous. You’d resent that they are continuing with their lives even without you while you are stuck at home waiting for them to give you the time of day.
This jealousy is justifiable. Just make them understand that the separation is making you feel a little cuckoo and a bit of reassurance from them will go a long way. After all the key to a lasting long-distance relationship is CLEAR-CUT communication since a typed message and an emoji (or lack thereof) might be construed as the opposite of what your partner really wanted to tell you.
A THOUSAND AND ONE ARGUMENTS
Social Media will either be your bridge to cross the gap between yourself and your mate or it will be ONE of the causes of your relationship’s downfall. Don’t go stalk your partner’s social media and create fire where there is none. Don’t overanalyze a comment or a friend request. Don’t think a work friend of the opposite sex is “too” close to your beau. I know “A picture paints a thousand words” but give your lover the benefit of the doubt.
It is easy to pick a fight because both of you are frustrated and lonely. Every little thing about what your partner does or (didn’t) tick you off. But consider this, maybe you are just acting up because you assume you are the only one who is having a hard time because of the separation. Talk to your partner and let them know since you are far from one another at the moment; minimize the social media posts that will make you doubt their loyalty. Show them that the distance is more unbearable for you because you are alone and by yourself in a foreign country.
As for you, if an argument could be avoided, choose that option. Fights are more taxing between long distance couples since communication is sketchy. Trying to make a point might make the argument lengthier.
MAKE IT OR BREAK IT
The time will come when you will begin to question if it is still worth it. Maybe it’s better to let go since all you do lately is fight. This period is CRUCIAL. When you start having this kind of feeling, don’t make a list of pros and cons. Chances are you will be easily swayed and all you will see are the cons. List all the pros and all the reasons you held on for this long. Don’t let years of togetherness and memories go to waste especially if both of you are willing to fight for it.
Discuss the things that cause you to fight. Find solutions for these together and stick to answers. Try to oblige to every promises made and time allotted for chatting and skyping should be considered sacred.
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
Bob Marley
And for OFWs, the story of a long distance relationship gone awry is a familiar one. Absence will make your heart and your partner’s love go Fonder or Wander. In the end it will both be Your Choice.
An Overseas Filipino Worker since 2008, Yvette is back in the Middle East after a brief stint in a first world country in South East Asia. She is a binge watcher and is part of numerous fandoms. She writes to keep her sanity (read her rantings on Wattpad @yvette_dc) and is happiest when she's in a bookstore. If given the resources, she would see the world.