For us OFWs, the concept of disagreeing is at times a foreign one. Raise your hand if you have been doing someone else’s job that is above your pay grade. Say “aye” if you have paid for the lechon of a distant relative’s first baby’s birthday party. Jump up and down if you have opened your home to a cousin’s boyfriend or girlfriend who is on a visit visa and accompanied them to job interviews during your precious off so they would not be lost in a foreign land.
Don’t get me wrong. Doing all of this is fine. But, say it with me: IN MODERATION.
Doing someone else’s job that is above your pay grade shows that you have the initiative to take on more responsibilities at work and that you are willing to learn more. Helping a distant relative is sharing your blessing. Lending a hand to someone who is new would remind you of the days when you were in their shoes and you would learn to appreciate more how far you have gone in your life as an OFW.
Helping out is more than okay, in fact, it is encouraged seeing how our world now is going down the toilet. A little compassion, a little sympathy towards a fellow human being would surely help restore faith to humanity
But when is enough?
Say “No” when you already have too much on your plate
The adage “don’t bite more than you can chew” should be printed in bold and displayed prominently where we OFWs could see it all the time. I don’t know why we could not inherently say that we already have too much on our plate. Is it pride? We could not admit that we could not be of service because we are still busy juggling other tasks that other people might judge us because we are not yet done with what we are supposed to do?
We must remember that we are human. We can say no when we are overwhelmed. We must save some for ourselves and it is okay to be selfish sometimes.
Say “No” when you notice you are already taken advantage of
It is human nature to be dependent on someone or something. If someone asked for your help and you willingly gave it to them, they would remember you the next time they need something.
Be wise to discern if you are just being helpful or if they are already treating you like a doormat.
Rule of thumb: If the tables are turned and it was you needing their help, would they willingly give it to you as well?
Help them once then give them the opportunity to return the favor especially if you already have too much on your plate. This does not mean you are only helping to get something in return. But if they are constantly asking for your help, make it a win-win situation and don’t pass up the chance to ask them for theirs. If you ask them for help and they are constantly rejecting even if you know they are free and you are asking for a small favor only that would not inconvenience them, chances are, they are just taking advantage of you.
Any relationship is a two-way street. It would only thrive if both parties are willing to put in the work.
Say “No” when you are tired
We OFWs are not invincible. In spite what our employers, colleagues and others might think. We are not machines. We also get tired and when we are exhausted, it is perfectly fine to say no. We don’t owe our employer another night of overtime work if we are bone tired. We should not be carrying the whole department or even the whole company in our shoulders. There are other staffs that could be asked to do over time work.
Rest. Recharge.
We could not give more if we are empty inside. We need to refill. Don’t let the feeling of weariness overwhelm you otherwise you would detest everyone and everything.
Say “No” when you would be depriving yourself of what people are asking you for
Like I said, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. It’s okay to say no to a relative asking for money if it’s your last dirhams. It’s reasonable to say no to a friend borrowing money if you are saving it for your annual holiday or if you know there is a possibility they would not be able to return it to you when it is your time of need. It is acceptable to say no to a colleague asking you to cover for them on the day you are supposed to video chat with your family back home and you also should have no problem saying no your roommate to clean the kitchen when you have in fact cleaned it last week. It should have been their turn now.
Say no when others depriving you of your money, time and energy that you should not be guilty spending on what you need and what you want. Do not let others tell you how you should expend your money, time and energy.
Say “No” when you don’t feel like it
This is another valid reason that we OFWs often overlook. If we don’t feel like it, we are more than allowed to say no. We should not force ourselves to do something that we don’t like. We are wasting our time and energy on an endeavor that we don’t feel like doing just because we could not say no. Prioritize your feelings and well-being. After all, if they really are your family and friends, they would understand and would not hold it against you.
I know it’s not easy saying no (I’ve been there). I’m actually still learning how, and I am proud to say that even if I am not there yet, I have now learned that I should not feel guilty thinking about myself and saying no when I already have too much on my plate, when someone is taking advantage of me, when I’m tired, when I would be depriving myself and when I am not up to it.
An Overseas Filipino Worker since 2008, Yvette is back in the Middle East after a brief stint in a first world country in South East Asia. She is a binge watcher and is part of numerous fandoms. She writes to keep her sanity (read her rantings on Wattpad @yvette_dc) and is happiest when she's in a bookstore. If given the resources, she would see the world.